"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14, NIV)

When was the last time you can remember being still? And I don’t mean sitting in traffic or standing in line at the store. In today’s fast-paced culture, people are constantly multitasking, trying to do more in less time, constantly on the go, constantly seeking information, constantly checking off to-do lists. And there is nothing wrong with any of these things. But if we are going to see the Lord fight our battles, if we are going to embrace the victory He has for us, we have to make it a priority to be still before Him.

Being still means taking time alone in the presence of Almighty God. Being still means being quiet before Him, listening to His voice and meditating on His Word. But, we need to also keep our hearts and minds still no matter what else we are doing. Being still means silencing the negative voices in our minds. It means choosing right thoughts and putting our trust in Him. That’s why it’s so important to keep His Word first place in your life because when you know His Word, you know Him. When you know Him, you trust Him. When you trust Him, your heart and mind will be still before Him, and He will lead you into victory all the days of your life!

Grace vs. humility

This is a subject that in my mind, is very mixed up. I personally do not understand exactly what is being asked. However, I will make a noble effort in answering to the best of my abilities.

I feel that Humility and grace are directly related. We hear a lot about Grace in the scriptures. Usually grace is referring to salvation or us receiving something we don’t deserve. Humility is defined as a lack of false pride. I believe the two are directly related in this facet: You can not accept grace without humility. As humans we want to fix everything ourselves. We look for the most practical way of fixing something. However our sinful nature is not something we can fix on our own. It requires grace. Humility is required for confessing your sins, and actually accepting grace.

Humility also helps foster a better relationship with God. It is hard, dare I say impossible to have good communication with God when your attitude is that of pride. It causes us to be self-focused, not God focused. Without a focus on God, and a desire to follow him we will come up short every time.

Redemption

The most beautiful thing about all of this is that this redemption I've experienced was not my own doing, but that of One who is far greater than I. It is not my hands that keep my arms from scars or my mouth from quenching its thirst in pretty poison. It is a God who loves me, who carries me when I am too weak, and He has been, He always was. I just wouldn't let Him. The hope that I had in Him was the rope that I clung to through the darkest of days. The idea that God could take the ugliest, darkest corners of our lives and expose it, make our secrets transparent and shine through them, is what fuels me. I want nothing more than to share my heart with the hope that God would take my pain and give it purpose, beauty and use it to redeem those that may find themselves somewhere in these pages. There is a purpose for the pain. It is called redemption



Yohee

Titus 2:3-5

      

         "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

 When I first read this verse I will be honest my eyes drifted on by. It wasn't until recently that I actually studied the passage.  

              Women of God, we are called to be reverent. we  all need to consider our words, how we spend our time, what we spend out time on, and our example to those who are watching us. 

I love to talk. If my boyfriend is reading this, he is probably rolling his eyes in agreement. I was born a chatty Cathy. I am going to be honest. I catch myself often saying things I shouldn't. Matthew 12:36-37 states, "But I tell you that men (woman to) will have to give on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted and by your words you will be condemned." Women  need to take inventory of what comes out of our mouth. I must say I am exceedingly grateful for God's grace after reading this. 

Reverence is not just about the way we speak, but it also about how we spend our time. When you read the verse you may think that it is referring just to the addiction to wine, but in reality you can replace the word wine with anything that consumes our lives and that takes our focus off Christ. 

Women are also called to teach what is good. What better way to teach than by our own example. We can begin by teaching others about the ultimate sacrifice and suffering of Jesus Christ for our sins. We can tell them about our God who is the same  yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Our words, actions, and thoughts must be full of God's overflowing grace.God will use us to teach another, simply by what we say and do.

Becoming a Titus 2 woman is about growing in the Lord, applying the Word, and spreading the Good News. It can’t be something we become legalistic. We must be careful to not condemn ourselves or others. Our actions and words must be seasoned with grace and sweetened by the love of God.


  I ended at verse 3, I will pick up with more on being a Titus 2 woman soon. 

Positive.

God has ways of teaching us things. One thing I often look back at is think how Joel's death affected my family. However, I am going to focus on the blessings God has shown us along the way. Also it shows how God can take a difficult situation and use it for the good of those who follow Him.
Please keep these verses in mind as you read the rest of my ramblings.


Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.


I Peter 4:12-13
Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.


Okay here are some blessings that I have seen God provide through the trial of Joel's death.


1.) My aunt's son, his wife and kids came to visit our family. This was my Aunt's first time meeting her new grandson, and also the first time she had spoken to her son in years. Through Joel's death there was reconciliation and healing in a broken relationship.


2.) My family can now be a testimony to those facing similar situations. Recently in fact, my grandparents friend's son had passed away. My dad went to their house to tell the family about their son's passing. My dad offered comfort that no one else could have. My dad was in their shoes a year ago thinking and feeling the same things, but through Joel's death my dad was able to be a testimony to a hurting family.


3.) My first dad's (he passed away when I was two) father, my grandpa never goes to church, and to be honest I do not think he is a Christian. But just last week my grandma informed me he is starting to go to church! Joel's death planted a seed in my grandpa.


4.) If anyone reading this knew my brother, well he was a character! He was intelligent, hilarious, handsome, and a natural leader. However, my family and I never really met his friends.
My church was packed the day of the funeral, there was a line that went out the door, and took two hours for the line to slow down! Joel left a legacy. He will never be forgotten. Joel's death left an impact on thousands of people. Also through Joel's death, I became friends with his best friend. Whenever I really miss Joel, I will talk to this guy. Joel's death also gave Joel's friends a chance to love my family, and a chance for my family to witness.


5.) Not only has my relationship with my family gotten stronger, but my relationships with my best friend, and my boyfriend have grown massively. I am not gonna lie, relationships are a struggle after you suffer a death of a loved one, but writing this blog has made me notice how strong my relationships have become. My family, best friend, and my boyfriend have all seen me at my worst and yet they are there right by my side ever single day. Through Joel's death my relationships were strengthened.


6.) The night before Joel died I remember I was on Facebook talking to a friend and I remember sending her this quote," In order to break our wills to His, God brings us to the foot of the Cross and there shows us what real brokenness is. We see those wounded Hands and Feet, that Face of Love crowned with thorns and we see the complete brokenness of the One who said, “Not My will, but Thine be done,” as He drank the bitter cup of our sin to its dregs. So the way to be broken is to look on Him and to realize it was our sin which nailed Him there. Then as we see the love and brokenness of the God who died in our place, our hearts will become strangely melted and we will want to be broken for Him and we shall pray, “Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord, Oh, to be lost in Thee, Oh, that it might be no more I, But Christ that lives in me.” And some of us have found that there is no prayer that God is so swift to answer as the prayer that He might break us." The next day God broke me. I am still devastated over Joel's death, but I know God has a purpose. Through Joel's death my relationship with Christ has changed and is continuing to grow.

Lessons Learned.

     I am only twenty years old, but I feel like in these past few years God has taught me so many things. Some of those things being harder to learn than the others, some I had to learn through trials, and some that I am still learning. I just wanted to share a few things that I had struggled with over the past few years, and what I have learned.


Some Here it is. 


First off, let me say the most important relationship you can have is your relationship with Christ. It is the one relationship that will NEVER fail you, and it will last forever. Since I was able to date, I threw myself into relationships, giving away my whole heart. Mistake. I would say the biggest mistake was dating non-Christians. It may seem fun, and appealing but it is not. After countless failed relationships, I prayed that God would bring the right man into my life. It happened in a odd way, but it finally happened. I found a Godly leader to walk with me through life's trials. My advice is to stop searching, and to let God take over. He will write the best love story, better than any fairy tale. 


After Joel passed away, let me tell you I did the worst possible thing. Instead of running to God, I ran away. I didn't read the Bible for almost a year. I was so angry. During my time of running, I was a hot mess. I worried about everything. I was terrified, and I felt exhausted all the time. I was paralyzed with a gnawing fear.  I would literally stay up all night worrying. I would look for answers, and reassurance anywhere I could find it (even Google), instead of looking to God. As a woman, you are not automatically assigned the job of "chief worrier." Instead, fill your heart with trust, hope, and God's peace. You'll sleep so much better at night. Here's the verse to prove it. ->Philippians 4:6: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 

Fear runs my life. It really does, BUT I am working on changing that. It is not easy. God knows best, although sometimes I do not see His reasons behind things, but there is a reason, and a good one at that. My advice (advice I need to take myself) Don't let fear be the reason for your decisions. Instead, fill your heart and mind with positive, life affirming words that will never change. Look to God's Word. Don't be afraid to talk to God every single day. Nothing is too hard for Him. That is something I still struggle with. God can handle anything... Mind boggling isn't it? Just think, the same God who created the stars, and the ocean, the same God that you hear about in the Bible cares about my worries, and fears. Crazy isn't it? Want to know something even crazier, I still struggle giving Him my worries. 

I have just a few more notes. Do not be afraid to go to your parents for things. I struggle with this, but God put a man in my life that encourages me to go to my parents. My parents seem to be the only people who understand what I am going through when it comes to Joel's death. There advice comforts me, but they also know sometimes all I need to be hugged and loved. No words, just silence, just knowing they are there makes all the difference.  If you have a problem, I encourage you to go to your momma or daddy and tell them. Ask for advice, they love it.

I want to end with four P's

Prayer.
Pray without ceasing is glued to the side of my night stand. I know it's hard to keep praying when God does not seem to give you the answer you wanted, but don't stop praying. Stay faithful. One day  you will see how your prayers put His greater purpose into action and how your prayers affected, protected and redirected many lives...including your own.
Romans 8:28:"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."


Past.
Your past can prepare you for your purpose, and nothing and no one can stop Gods
 plans for your life. Don’t allow disappointment to direct your path. If you past is less than perfect, do not worry you are forgiven and God loves you all the same. Let God direct the rest of your days and you see that the Lord's plans are for good.


Perseverance. 
 Do not give up. That is what Satan wants. The Bible offers comfort and hope when we go through hardships and trials. We must remain in Christ stand firm and continue to do the work that God has called us to do. God loves us and He will always be with us. Continue to trust in God and in His will for your life. Read James 1. 


Proverbs.
I am striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman. If you have not read it, or have not read it in a while, Stop. Stop what you are doing, look it up and read it. If a man is reading this read  Proverbs 7. Go now.

The end.

When I hear the words "about me", I automatically think of Facebook. The ramblings you use to describe yourself to the Facebook community. What describes me however is not some rambling you throw on a social networking site. I have always been described as energetic, sociable, fun-loving girl. A firecracker as some would say. One day, however changed my very being. It was like God has smashed the clay he had been working on for eighteen years and decided to start over. Not fair,at least I thought. I had just started my freshman year of college, dating this amazing man, and my family was thriving. I come from a large family, six kids! Joel, my older brother is just like me in personality, and looks. Whitney, my older sister is a sweet caring soul. Then there's me. Blake is my compassionate little brother.Then there is Isabella, and Sophia, they are my little firecrackers. All of us are loved deeply by my happily married parents.
December 28, 2010, changed my life forever. I was woken up at 7:14 am by my mom running into my room screaming, "Joel won't wake up". It took a few minutes to register. She needed my phone to call the ambulances to come get my brother. I had no idea. I saw my 21 old brother put into a back of an ambulance. I was instructed by my mother, "keep your phone on loud and watch the girls." While waiting I prayed, and prayed. I thought my parents would call any minute to say Joel would be coming home tomorrow. An hour later though I got a call I would never forget. My mom told me my brother would not be coming home. As she told me, I could here my dad screaming in the background. I remember being in my little sister's bed when she told me. I walked into the kitchen and started crying. Blake, my younger brother heard me, and as he heard me crying, he already knew the news. 30 minutes later, my grandparents and my dad arrived to take us to the hospital. I had to sit there and hear my dad tell my little sisters that Joel was in heaven. That is not something you never want to hear. When we go to the hospital, we walked to the emergency room. The first person I saw and hugged was my pastor's wife. After that we walked into a room where my brother was. It was so hard. I cannot even go into detail. I remember crying, and looking away, praying that there was a mistake or something, but no, this was my new reality. I had to call his girlfriend and tell her. This is something an 18 year old should never have to do. I was then shuttled home and I went straight to my room. No words, nothing. I laid in bed hoping, I would wake up, and Joel would be there, asking me what outfit looked good. When I woke up though he was still gone, and he was not coming back.I called my boyfriend, and he tried so hard to fix it, but knowing he was there for me was enough.I called my work and said I was not going to be able to work for a while, and then I laid there for I do not know how long. The rest of the day was a blank. I just remember putting on a fake face, and telling my family that Joel was in heaven, He is in a better place. To me, however, home with me was the better place. I went to bed with my boyfriend on the phone, he was praying and comforting as I laid there asking why, over and over. The days to come where the longest, hardest days of my life.