By His Grace.

When I hear the words "about me", I automatically think of Facebook. The ramblings you use to describe yourself to the Facebook community. What describes me however is not some rambling you throw on a social networking site. I have always been described as energetic, sociable, fun-loving girl. A firecracker as some would say. One day, however changed my very being. It was like God has smashed the clay he had been working on for eighteen years and decided to start over. Not fair,at least I thought. I had just started my freshman year of college, dating this amazing man, and my family was thriving. I come from a large family, six kids! Joel, my older brother is just like me in personality, and looks. Whitney, my older sister is a sweet caring soul. Then there's me. Blake is my compassionate little brother.Then there is Isabella, and Sophia, they are my little firecrackers. All of us are loved deeply by my happily married parents.
December 28, 2010, changed my life forever. I was woken up at 7:14 am by my mom running into my room screaming, "Joel won't wake up". It took a few minutes to register. She needed my phone to call the ambulances to come get my brother. I had no idea. I saw my 21 old brother put into a back of an ambulance. I was instructed by my mother, "keep your phone on loud and watch the girls." While waiting I prayed, and prayed. I thought my parents would call any minute to say Joel would be coming home tomorrow. An hour later though I got a call I would never forget. My mom told me my brother would not be coming home. As she told me, I could here my dad screaming in the background. I remember being in my little sister's bed when she told me. I walked into the kitchen and started crying. Blake, my younger brother heard me, and as he heard me crying, he already knew the news. 30 minutes later, my grandparents and my dad arrived to take us to the hospital. I had to sit there and hear my dad tell my little sisters that Joel was in heaven. That is not something you never want to hear. When we go to the hospital, we walked to the emergency room. The first person I saw and hugged was my pastor's wife. After that we walked into a room where my brother was. It was so hard. I cannot even go into detail. I remember crying, and looking away, praying that there was a mistake or something, but no, this was my new reality. I had to call his girlfriend and tell her. This is something an 18 year old should never have to do. I was then shuttled home and I went straight to my room. No words, nothing. I laid in bed hoping, I would wake up, and Joel would be there, asking me what outfit looked good. When I woke up though he was still gone, and he was not coming back.I called my boyfriend, and he tried so hard to fix it, but knowing he was there for me was enough.I called my work and said I was not going to be able to work for a while, and then I laid there for I do not know how long. The rest of the day was a blank. I just remember putting on a fake face, and telling my family that Joel was in heaven, He is in a better place. To me, however, home with me was the better place. I went to bed with my boyfriend on the phone, he was praying and comforting as I laid there asking why, over and over. The days to come where the longest, hardest days of my life.